


I Could Do Them All a Favor

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 01:50:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2251407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bonus Round 2 fill for the HSWC. </p><p>"Cronus♥Kankri</p><p>L'appel du vide, French, literally translates to "The Call of the Void." Basically, it's that feeling you get when you see someone standing next to a subway platform and a trains coming and you think to yourself, "I could kill them. I won't, but I could." Basically the urge to do something evil/crazy."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Could Do Them All a Favor

_You could kill him if you wanted to._

It would be so easy, murder. You wouldn't get caught, but who cares?

_It's not like anyone would mind, really, realistically._

They'd all probably even thank you. Realistically.

_You'd probably be the only one who would miss him. It's the only reason you don't just take off your belt and loop it around his neck and... well..._

But really. He'd never even see it coming. One spell and a blast from your wand and... well... you'd miss him, but...

_Porrim would be absolutely thrilled. You have no idea how she even hangs out around him, as much as she complains about him, his gross come-ons and the way he tries too hard flirting. It's a good thing you're there to occupy her time._

He always ruins his sweaters and talks over her and doesn't respect Porrim's viewpoints. You at least pretend to listen, and show her that she's desirable. Oh, yeah, she certainly wouldn't miss him at all.

_It would most definitely be a favor to Mituna. You've heard the rumors. You don't know which ones to believe, but he certainly is incredibly ableist when it comes to your poor addlebrained acquaintance. He has no respect for Mituna's crippling mental disorder. The poor thing is hardly much more sentient than a grub._

Has anyone besides you even seen the way he treats Mituna? It's a shame he's been reduced to a spazzy mess, but oh my god. The things he says about him. The way he talks like he isn't even there. Not you. You pal around with him. You're probably his best friend. He'd probably let you in his bodysuit if you did the deed. It's more than you're getting from this one anyway. It would be a load off Latula's mind too. And maybe a threesome.

_Latula would probably think you were noble. Getting Mituna's harasser to leave him alone. He's like a little brother to her, really. Maybe she would see how great you are, finally, and you could consider maybe finally having your quadrant filled. And she would get to be with a kind, considerate troll who really understands her and her disability._

The way he pines after her though. It's sickening. She's clearly not interested. Especially with the celibacy. Look at that body. She is not into that lifestyle. You can tell, that's for sure. Ugh. Latula and Kankri. Really. The idea is so ridiculous. She'd wish she was lacking in hearing rather than smell after an hour. Why couldn't he have taken a vow of silence instead of celibacy?

_He's so slimy. He hits on anything that moves. You thought getting him to take a vow of celibacy would put a slow on that, at least..._

Two celibate people can't even have sex with each other. Total bullshit. Total absolute bullshit. What is the point? What is the actual point? You'd be helping him out, too. With the murder.

_You should really put him out of his misery. All he does is try to fornicate with everything and then mope when he gets turned down._

But, ugh, look at the way he's just staring at you. Total devotion. You could never kill him. He clearly loves you.

_He can learn though. You know it. Look how attentive he is. It's like he's just waiting for you to say something. You need to get off this train of thought._

"What are you thinking about, Cronus?"

"Oh, nothing much, really. Wvhat about you?"

"Oh, same here."

"Good."

"Mmhmm."


End file.
